now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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