I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
