Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
