Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize