I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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