Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
