I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
