tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
