Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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