if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
