I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
