Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
