I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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