i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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