roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
