You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize