I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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