Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
