No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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