I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
