yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
