TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
