so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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