you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
