took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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