she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
