The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
