I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
