Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
