I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
