Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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