help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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