i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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