I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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