I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize