dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
