Already got asked if we're dating
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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