we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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