Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
well you can't waste a boner
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
