your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
