just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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