this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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