I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
