You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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