No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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