I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
