By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
