I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
