Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
