I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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