Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
