My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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