Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
