I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
