Don't you send me to vm
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
