did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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