dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
