I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
