If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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