once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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