no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
