Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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