He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
