This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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