fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
