I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize