Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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