after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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