I wanna bring you to show and tell
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
