Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
