doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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