There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
