So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
