peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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