I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
