I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
