i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
