I wish I only lived at night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
