Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
