I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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