i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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